3 points to unlock your resilience and achieve your goals

Life is like a boxing match – you’re going to get hit once in a while. The difference between the winners and the losers is who can take the hit, who can get knocked down, and get back up time and time again. That’s resilience. That willingness to fight and survive no matter what. Resilient energy isn’t just a matter of fighting the demons inside but starving off the negative factors outside, reducing the number of hits and promoting a positive outlook.

The power of positivity

Believe it or not, we’re naturally negative species, derived from our acute stubbornness to survive back when lions and other man-eating animals were a common threat. Yet we now live in a far more protective environment where our negativity is at a detriment to our own personal progress. Our inherent negativity saps our energy and erodes our resilience. Self doubt and fear start to take over and you end up feeling out of control and insignificant.

The good news is that resilience isn’t something you are born with or something you either have or don’t have. It is something that can be developed, emerging from positive perspective.

Here’s a scenario to consider:

Two people have just received feedback from their boss about a project they have worked on. The feedback was that the project needs to improve, but points were made on what could be done in order to move forward.

Person A Person B
What are they thinking? Expected better, but this is an opportunity to push on and show what I can do. This really isn’t fair. I’ve worked so hard and don’t think I can give any more.
What are they feeling? Determined, energised, positive Angry, resentful, annoyed, negative
What are they doing? Proactively assessing and analysing to move forward. Feeling disheartened and unwilling to carry on. Reluctant to put in any more effort because they feel it  will be wasted

Which one do you think is likely to complete the job to a satisfactory standard and to get that promotion?

We all have times when we’ve been both Person A and Person B. A great exercise is to think of a time when you were at your resilient best and a time where resilience was hard to find. What were your thoughts, your feeling and your behaviour in these two scenarios?

It is important to take time to reflect on events that have occurred in your life and place them in healthy perspective. Understand that you cannot control everything, but do take control those things that you can. Getting hit is rarely fatal. Get back up and press forward.

Challenge your assumptions

How many times do you think you make assumptions every day? It’s probably a lot more than you think. It’s a natural response, saving massive amounts of time. However, assumptions often have negative effects to our emotions and our decisions. It’s important to recognise when we should challenge our assumptions because our assumptions aren’t always right and can create unnecessary worry and anxiety, ultimately – and worse of all – holding us back.

Nancy Kline created a framework in order for us to challenge these assumptions:

Think of a something you are finding challenging to do within your work life or your personal life at the moment. Write down all the things you might be assuming that is stopping you from taking that next step.

From all of those assumptions, what do you think is the assumption that is stopping you the most?

If you think it is true, for what reasons (what proof do you have)?

What would you have to credibly assume instead in order to take that next step?

If that positive credible assumption was true, what would change for you?

Don’t strive for perfection

Success is carrying out actions that will not have a perfect outcome but… Progress is achieved through imperfect steps so… Every imperfect step takes you in the right direction therefore… You don’t need perfection – you need progress because… Aiming for perfection can stifle progress.

Robert Leahy

Here’s a story of my own downfall whilst trying to achieve perfection that maybe some of you can relate to.

I had an idea of setting up what was essentially a marketplace where charities could advertise for things that people and companies may have which they did not need/want any more. On paper it was a good idea. I’d worked a lot within the charitable sector establishing something similar, and so I got to work creating the site. In my head it needed to be perfect because I made myself believe I’d only get one shot at getting it right. I created the first version but it wasn’t perfect, I just knew it could be better, so I iterated and did a redesign lasting 3 months. I still wasn’t happy and did another redesign, another 2 months. Around 7 months later I still hadn’t released anything to anyone through fear that it was not going to do justice to the idea. My resilience was eroded and the project is now on indefinite hold. The point is, success is achieved through progress not perfection.

Achieve great things

We all need resilience. Sometimes it’s hard to find, but it can be found even in the deepest and darkest of moments. Do take time to reflect on your day. What you could have done differently, what you have assumed and what you could have achieved. The power of positivity and unflinching self belief is an inspirational force, that can push you and others through to achieving their goals. Don’t give up, don’t give in and do achieve what you were meant to achieve.

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